What many people don't realize is that Bali social etiquette is so much more complex than merely wearing a sarong to the temple. Having lived here for a while I've come to discover the how everything you do here is dictated and judged by the multifaceted unspoken rules of Balinese social etiquette. It's this etiquette, that varies from village to village, which dictates everything from what is appropriate to bring or wear to social functions and how it's presented to how you are expected to behave, to your expected role in the family and community.
The good news is that as a visitor to Bali, you are not expected to know, understand or adhere to all the rules that you would be expected to abide by if you were Balinese (or the spouse of a Balinese).
These are a few things, however that you should be aware of that I've categorized under the following headings: Attire Etiquette, Ceremony and Temple Etiquette, Market Etiquette and Everyday Social Interaction Etiquette.
ATTIRE ETIQUETTE
When it comes to attire, for any ceremony you attend or temple visit, both men and women are expected to be properly attired in a sarong and 'selendang', or belt, which is pretty much just like a long scarf, tied around the waist. Sarongs and selendangs are worn differently for men and women, so if in doubt, ask someone to help you put it on. If you have a design on your sarong, make sure the flowers or animals are facing the right way. No one will tell you, but they'll have a chuckle with their friends about the tourist that's wearing the sarong upside down. You should also make sure that you are covering your shoulders, i.e. singlets are not appropriate, but a t-shirt is okay.
As Bali is predominantly Hindu, casual and beach wear is fine on the beach. Bikinis are not an issue and shirtless guys in board shorts are the norm. Though it was not that long ago that Balinese women used to walk around topless, tourists going topless on the beach is a no-no. If you do decide to go topless, it's unlikely that anyone will say anything, but just trust me when I say that it's just not cool. That's over an above the fact that everyone here has a mobile phone and you will no doubt have your photo sms'd to everyone and their friends, then most likely posted to the Internet.
When you are not on the beach, you should be wearing something that at least covers your ass and cleavage. Use some common sense - would you go to the mall in your bathing suit or sit down to dinner in a restaurant with no shirt on at home? I'm not sure why people seem to think that's okay here. Out on the streets, shorts and t-shirts are fine. Singlets are okay, too. The only time that you really need to be more formally dressed is when entering government offices, like immigration. You should be wearing long pants or a skirt, a top that covers your shoulders and shoes or proper sandals - flip flops (or thongs for you Aussies) are not acceptable. You may even be turned away from the office and refused service if you are not dressed appropriately.
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I've seen it too many times so, I figured it was worth a mention. As motorbikes are a common form of transport, it's considered bad form to hike up your skirt to straddle a motorbike. It should also go without saying that you shouldn't be wearing a mini skirt on a motorbike. It's not so much a Balinese thing as they don't often wear mini skirts, but flashing your crotch in public is not cool anywhere, last time I checked. Female motorbike passengers in skirts and sarongs are expected to ride side-saddle. It's not really that safe, so best stick to wearing pants or shorts if riding a motorbike is part of your planned activities.
TEMPLES AND CEREMONY ETIQUETTE
Apart from donning the appropriate attire when visiting temples or attending a ceremony, there are a few other things you should know. You are not welcome to enter a family temple, unless you are part of that family or are personally invited by a member of that family. Some village temples are only open to those who are registered as living in that village. Even if you move to Bali, and even if you are registered at the village office and Hindu, to become eligible to be a temple 'member', you would be expected to not only partake in temple ceremonies, make offerings and donations, you are expected to be an active member and must participate in temple 'gotong royong', or group projects, like decorating for ceremonies or helping with temple renovations. Some other village temples, on the other hand, welcome visitors. Always ask for permission before entering a temple.
For those temples that do welcome visitors, it's always better to go with a guide as some temple areas are sacred and off limits to everyone except the high priest or priestess. Depending on the temple and the village, entering an area that you are not supposed to go, or even sitting or standing on an area reserved strictly for offerings only, may mean a cleansing ceremony would have to be performed, so you want to make sure that you know where you can and cannot go.
The more significant temples in Bali that are often visited by tourists usually have booths set up outside with ready made offerings you can buy and take in with you, if you want to make an offering. But do not feel obliged. For the temples that do welcome visitors, you are allowed to go in and look around, but again, it's better to go in with a guide, so not only can he instruct you where you are allowed to go, but will also be able to give you the history of the temple, explain proceedings and answer questions. Some of the larger temples have their own guides that must accompany you if you want to enter, so even if you have a guide with you, you may be required to enter the temple with a guide who works for the temple. This falls under the Balinese village/tourism etiquette among the Balinese that they need to adhere to.
It's standard to not only tip your temple guide, but also offer a small donation to the temple. The temple donation is up to you, but a donation of Rp. 10,000 or more is acceptable. Donation to your temple guide is up to you and should be determined by what kind of experience your guide provides but a Rp.10,000 tip or more is acceptable for the temple guide as well.
Different villages have different social etiquette in terms of not only what you should bring to a ceremony at someone's house, but also how it's presented. One thing that is always appropriate and accepted, is money. Whether you've been invited to a wedding, 3-month ceremony or funeral, a plain envellope with Rp. 50,000 - Rp. 100,000 will suffice.
Canang Sari are the small, colourful, daily offerings you see everywhere and usually having you hopscotching down the sidewalks to avoid treading on them. The importance of the twice daily ritual is the ritual itself. Once it's been performed, the offerings have been 'spent' and just end up getting swept up to make way for the next offering, if they are not run over by cars or eaten by dogs or chickens first. So if you inadvertently kick, step on or drive over them with your bicycle, you're not going to Hindu hell for sacrilege, no worries.
MARKET ETIQUETTE
You will most likely find yourself having to bargain for something at some point while you are in Bali. I am often asked how much should be paid for things that don't have a price tag. It may depend on what you are buying, but generally when bargaining at the market, offer 50% of the starting price offered to you. The first price offered is often used to test you to see how much you are willing to spend.
Don't look too interested in anything in particular. If you see something you simply MUST have, choose a few random things and, ask for a price, then ask about the item you really want. Say you're just looking around. If you are looking to get a good price, don't buy anything in the first place you go. Shop around and compare. You can always go back to a place you visited before, but now that you've asked around, you'll have a better idea of what you should be paying. And now you can use: "the lady over there offered me 'this much' for the same thing," as bargaining leverage.
Bargaining is not for the faint of heart. You need to be able to say no thanks, and walk out. Do not fall for the ''please, my baby not eat today''. Do not let someone try to emotionally blackmail or bully you into buying something with aggressive tactics. If someone is too pushy, there will be a hundred other places that sell the same thing. Just walk out. As you do, they will call out after you and offer whatever you were interested in for a fraction of the price they initially offered you. This is also good way to find out how much you should be expecting to pay for something.
Most westerners hate having to bargain for things because it's not a common part of western culture. But there are those who love to the thrill of the process. Just a note... I consider it in very poor taste to try to bargain someone down to 'local' price. For one, you are not a local. The average salary where you're from is probably not $5 a day. And secondly, despite what some might think, it doesn't score you any brownie points with the locals, nor do they think you are clever - just a cheap ass. If you think the seller is asking way too much for something than sure, bargain down but remember they need to be making a profit as well.
The above tips are just some suggested guidelines. At the end of the day, you can ignore everything I said and just use the rule of thumb that if you are okay with a price, than that's the price you should be paying. Maybe you could have bargained a bit more and saved yourself Rp. 20,000 (about $2). But just remember - that Rp. 20,000 is worth much more to a Balinese person than it is to you. Ask yourself: Am I happy paying this price for what I am getting? Am I paying a fraction of what I would pay if I bought this at home? or, Am I getting something totally unique that I couldn't find anywhere else? If you answered yes to the above, than that's the price you should be paying.
EVERYDAY SOCIAL INTERACTION ETIQUETTE
THE RIGHT HAND - Using your right hand is important whenever giving anything to or receiving anything from someone. It's just the polite thing to do. Using both hands is also acceptable, but using your left hand only is considered rude among all Indonesians, not just the Balinese. Of course people here do realize that you come from a different culture and if you are using your left hand, they probably won't take offense, but will most likely appreciate your efforts if you do use your right hand instead.
KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK - One of the most important Balinese rules of etiquette is to not lose face or do anything to cause someone else to lose face in front of others. So any public display of emotion, whether it be anger, jealousy or love, are considered impolite. You will never see Balinese kissing or making overt sexual gestures in public. In fact, kissing in public in Indonesia carries a Rp.5,000,000 fine, though I've never heard of it actually being enforced. Fighting or having arguments in public is also not good etiquette. Family or relationship issues are to be resolved in private, behind closed doors. You don't 'air your dirty laundry in public'. The island of a million smiles is exactly that because regardless of what's going on, you are expected to put your best face forward and sort yourself out in private. Public displays of drunkenness, as long as it's not aggressive or violent is somewhat more accepted, but only if everyone else you are with is also drinking, and depending on where you are, but this only applies for men. Balinese women don't generally drink alcohol (or smoke) here, so being drunk in public if you are female is really not very well looked upon.
MALE & FEMALE INTERACTION - Gender roles are much more clearly defined here. Males and females don't generally tend to interact socially. Whether it be out on the street or at someone's wedding, the women all sit together and talk, the men all sit together and drink. Although I really should be with the women, I tend to hang out with the guys a lot more, cashing in on my 'bule' trump card at social gatherings. That having been said, I wouldn't be hanging and drinking with the guys unless my husband is also there. To do that would be insulting my husband and would make him lose face (god forbid!)
One of the most important things about Balinese culture you really need to understand is that 'good girls' don't go to bars and talk to strangers of the opposite sex. Whereas this would be totally normal social behaviour where I come from, it's simple not done here.
Generally, single Balinese girls who hang out at the bar are usually prostitutes and are only there for one reason. For all you guys that spot that cute Balinese girl that seems to take a shine to you and pours you beer all night, chances are you're not getting lucky, she will probably expect payment.
The Balinese guys who live in the tourist areas are used to meeting lots of foreign girls with a much more relaxed sense of social decorum, who are out to have a 'good time', which is socially unacceptable here for Balinese women.
So if you are female and just out at the bar and happen to meet an Indonesian guy and strike up a friendly, social conversation, it is then natural for the Balinese guy to be expecting something at the end of the night. Be careful about how you conduct yourself in public if you are a single female travelling alone. A night of what you thought was just a friendly conversation, could end in a very awkward clash of cultures if you are not very clear about your intentions. If you are female, do NOT invite a guy back to your hotel unless you are also looking for a 'good time', which by the way, is technically illegal - girls and guys who are unmarried are not allowed to stay in the same room anywhere in Indonesia. That coupled with the fact that there are, last time I checked, over 3000 documented cases of AIDS in Bali is all the more reason to be very careful. Not to mention all the other sexually transmitted diseases, which are much more prevalent in countries in which sexual education is not taught, the awareness isn't there, people being pretty much clueless in terms transmission of these diseases and the whole culture of not 'losing face' which has people more likely trying to hide their afflictions than getting treatment. Having a 'good time' in Bali may have you coming home with a different kind of souvenir you hadn't planned on. The 'vacation mentality' has people letting their guard down and often has them do things that are out of character. Nothing wrong with letting your hair down once in a while, but be safe! This applies to everything you do here, like renting a motorbike in Bali (did you know the #1 cause of death of foreigners in Bali is motorbike accidents?), but I'll save that for another blog.
DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A BUNCH - It's not just important to know how not to breach social etiquette, but it's also important to also know what is not considered impolite, which may be considered rude in your own culture, so you don't think someone is being rude or insulting you when they are not.
One of the things that took me a very long time to get used to, was people calling me fat. Kadek would introduce me to someone new and they'd either say to him: "Oh, gemuk sehat!" (fat & healthy!) and give him the thumbs up. Or they would occasionally look at me and say: "You fat, yes?" It was a while before I realized that 'fat' does not carry the negative connotations that I am used to it being associated with. Fat is used to describe a body type that's not skinny. It's not used as an insult, though it states the obvious that I really don't think is necessary, but the Balinese really seem to like to point it out regardless. It's also taken me a while to get over people calling out to me from their store: "come into my shop - we have big size for you!" If you are anything other than a size small, prepare yourself for someone to comment on your 'fatness'.
There will also be questions that people will ask you that may seem personal or would be considered rude in western countries, that are relatively normal here. What's your religion? How old are you? Why don't you have children? These are generally questions that you wouldn't ask someone you just met, but these are perfectly normal here. But sometimes if you are entertaining a conversation, people can get cheeky and start asking things like "How much money do you make?" Some questions are rude in any culture. If you find people's over curious fascination with you pushing the limits of your personal boundaries, you don't have to answer any question you don't feel comfortable answering, regardless of whether or not it's normal here. Just use your own instincts to decide.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS DOESN'T EXIST HERE - The subtle nuances of political correctness get lost in translation. The first time I met our friend who introduced his son, severely affected by cerebral palsy, said: "This is my son. He is idiot." It shocked me for a moment until I realized that that was the only word he knew in English. He loves his son, takes him everywhere and is proud of him. He is a great father and if he were fluent in English, "idiot" probably wouldn't have been the word he'd have used to explain his son's disability. I've also heard Balinese people refer to a black person as "a negro" with absolutely no insult intended. So relax and don't get too worked up over someone not using the politically correct term for something. It's a language issue, not an insult.
TAKING PHOTOS - Taking photos is usually no problem. Whether it be a temple celebration or a cremation procession, or just someone walking down the street, people are usually happy for you to take their photo. If you are taking a photo of a specific person, it's much more polite to ask for permission first - 99% of the time they will say 'yes'. There has only been one instance where I was told 'no' when I asked a woman selling fish at a market if I could take her photo. I was thinking that with all the surrounding colourful fruits and vegetables would make for great composition. She was probably thinking, I've been here since 4am, I am tired, I smell like fish, I need a shower and feel like crap. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't have wanted someone to take my photo if I'd have been her, either.
I hope this sheds some light on Balinese social etiquette. If you have any questions that have not been answered in this blog posting, feel free to comment here or join our Bali Retreat Planning group on Facebook and throw a question out to the forum and I will be glad to throw in my 2 cents, or 200 rupiah.
The good news is that as a visitor to Bali, you are not expected to know, understand or adhere to all the rules that you would be expected to abide by if you were Balinese (or the spouse of a Balinese).
These are a few things, however that you should be aware of that I've categorized under the following headings: Attire Etiquette, Ceremony and Temple Etiquette, Market Etiquette and Everyday Social Interaction Etiquette.
ATTIRE ETIQUETTE
When it comes to attire, for any ceremony you attend or temple visit, both men and women are expected to be properly attired in a sarong and 'selendang', or belt, which is pretty much just like a long scarf, tied around the waist. Sarongs and selendangs are worn differently for men and women, so if in doubt, ask someone to help you put it on. If you have a design on your sarong, make sure the flowers or animals are facing the right way. No one will tell you, but they'll have a chuckle with their friends about the tourist that's wearing the sarong upside down. You should also make sure that you are covering your shoulders, i.e. singlets are not appropriate, but a t-shirt is okay.
As Bali is predominantly Hindu, casual and beach wear is fine on the beach. Bikinis are not an issue and shirtless guys in board shorts are the norm. Though it was not that long ago that Balinese women used to walk around topless, tourists going topless on the beach is a no-no. If you do decide to go topless, it's unlikely that anyone will say anything, but just trust me when I say that it's just not cool. That's over an above the fact that everyone here has a mobile phone and you will no doubt have your photo sms'd to everyone and their friends, then most likely posted to the Internet.
When you are not on the beach, you should be wearing something that at least covers your ass and cleavage. Use some common sense - would you go to the mall in your bathing suit or sit down to dinner in a restaurant with no shirt on at home? I'm not sure why people seem to think that's okay here. Out on the streets, shorts and t-shirts are fine. Singlets are okay, too. The only time that you really need to be more formally dressed is when entering government offices, like immigration. You should be wearing long pants or a skirt, a top that covers your shoulders and shoes or proper sandals - flip flops (or thongs for you Aussies) are not acceptable. You may even be turned away from the office and refused service if you are not dressed appropriately.
I shouldn't have to tell you this, but I've seen it too many times so, I figured it was worth a mention. As motorbikes are a common form of transport, it's considered bad form to hike up your skirt to straddle a motorbike. It should also go without saying that you shouldn't be wearing a mini skirt on a motorbike. It's not so much a Balinese thing as they don't often wear mini skirts, but flashing your crotch in public is not cool anywhere, last time I checked. Female motorbike passengers in skirts and sarongs are expected to ride side-saddle. It's not really that safe, so best stick to wearing pants or shorts if riding a motorbike is part of your planned activities.
TEMPLES AND CEREMONY ETIQUETTE
Apart from donning the appropriate attire when visiting temples or attending a ceremony, there are a few other things you should know. You are not welcome to enter a family temple, unless you are part of that family or are personally invited by a member of that family. Some village temples are only open to those who are registered as living in that village. Even if you move to Bali, and even if you are registered at the village office and Hindu, to become eligible to be a temple 'member', you would be expected to not only partake in temple ceremonies, make offerings and donations, you are expected to be an active member and must participate in temple 'gotong royong', or group projects, like decorating for ceremonies or helping with temple renovations. Some other village temples, on the other hand, welcome visitors. Always ask for permission before entering a temple.
For those temples that do welcome visitors, it's always better to go with a guide as some temple areas are sacred and off limits to everyone except the high priest or priestess. Depending on the temple and the village, entering an area that you are not supposed to go, or even sitting or standing on an area reserved strictly for offerings only, may mean a cleansing ceremony would have to be performed, so you want to make sure that you know where you can and cannot go.
The more significant temples in Bali that are often visited by tourists usually have booths set up outside with ready made offerings you can buy and take in with you, if you want to make an offering. But do not feel obliged. For the temples that do welcome visitors, you are allowed to go in and look around, but again, it's better to go in with a guide, so not only can he instruct you where you are allowed to go, but will also be able to give you the history of the temple, explain proceedings and answer questions. Some of the larger temples have their own guides that must accompany you if you want to enter, so even if you have a guide with you, you may be required to enter the temple with a guide who works for the temple. This falls under the Balinese village/tourism etiquette among the Balinese that they need to adhere to.
It's standard to not only tip your temple guide, but also offer a small donation to the temple. The temple donation is up to you, but a donation of Rp. 10,000 or more is acceptable. Donation to your temple guide is up to you and should be determined by what kind of experience your guide provides but a Rp.10,000 tip or more is acceptable for the temple guide as well.
Different villages have different social etiquette in terms of not only what you should bring to a ceremony at someone's house, but also how it's presented. One thing that is always appropriate and accepted, is money. Whether you've been invited to a wedding, 3-month ceremony or funeral, a plain envellope with Rp. 50,000 - Rp. 100,000 will suffice.
Canang Sari are the small, colourful, daily offerings you see everywhere and usually having you hopscotching down the sidewalks to avoid treading on them. The importance of the twice daily ritual is the ritual itself. Once it's been performed, the offerings have been 'spent' and just end up getting swept up to make way for the next offering, if they are not run over by cars or eaten by dogs or chickens first. So if you inadvertently kick, step on or drive over them with your bicycle, you're not going to Hindu hell for sacrilege, no worries.
MARKET ETIQUETTE
You will most likely find yourself having to bargain for something at some point while you are in Bali. I am often asked how much should be paid for things that don't have a price tag. It may depend on what you are buying, but generally when bargaining at the market, offer 50% of the starting price offered to you. The first price offered is often used to test you to see how much you are willing to spend.
Don't look too interested in anything in particular. If you see something you simply MUST have, choose a few random things and, ask for a price, then ask about the item you really want. Say you're just looking around. If you are looking to get a good price, don't buy anything in the first place you go. Shop around and compare. You can always go back to a place you visited before, but now that you've asked around, you'll have a better idea of what you should be paying. And now you can use: "the lady over there offered me 'this much' for the same thing," as bargaining leverage.
Bargaining is not for the faint of heart. You need to be able to say no thanks, and walk out. Do not fall for the ''please, my baby not eat today''. Do not let someone try to emotionally blackmail or bully you into buying something with aggressive tactics. If someone is too pushy, there will be a hundred other places that sell the same thing. Just walk out. As you do, they will call out after you and offer whatever you were interested in for a fraction of the price they initially offered you. This is also good way to find out how much you should be expecting to pay for something.
Most westerners hate having to bargain for things because it's not a common part of western culture. But there are those who love to the thrill of the process. Just a note... I consider it in very poor taste to try to bargain someone down to 'local' price. For one, you are not a local. The average salary where you're from is probably not $5 a day. And secondly, despite what some might think, it doesn't score you any brownie points with the locals, nor do they think you are clever - just a cheap ass. If you think the seller is asking way too much for something than sure, bargain down but remember they need to be making a profit as well.
The above tips are just some suggested guidelines. At the end of the day, you can ignore everything I said and just use the rule of thumb that if you are okay with a price, than that's the price you should be paying. Maybe you could have bargained a bit more and saved yourself Rp. 20,000 (about $2). But just remember - that Rp. 20,000 is worth much more to a Balinese person than it is to you. Ask yourself: Am I happy paying this price for what I am getting? Am I paying a fraction of what I would pay if I bought this at home? or, Am I getting something totally unique that I couldn't find anywhere else? If you answered yes to the above, than that's the price you should be paying.
EVERYDAY SOCIAL INTERACTION ETIQUETTE
THE RIGHT HAND - Using your right hand is important whenever giving anything to or receiving anything from someone. It's just the polite thing to do. Using both hands is also acceptable, but using your left hand only is considered rude among all Indonesians, not just the Balinese. Of course people here do realize that you come from a different culture and if you are using your left hand, they probably won't take offense, but will most likely appreciate your efforts if you do use your right hand instead.
KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK - One of the most important Balinese rules of etiquette is to not lose face or do anything to cause someone else to lose face in front of others. So any public display of emotion, whether it be anger, jealousy or love, are considered impolite. You will never see Balinese kissing or making overt sexual gestures in public. In fact, kissing in public in Indonesia carries a Rp.5,000,000 fine, though I've never heard of it actually being enforced. Fighting or having arguments in public is also not good etiquette. Family or relationship issues are to be resolved in private, behind closed doors. You don't 'air your dirty laundry in public'. The island of a million smiles is exactly that because regardless of what's going on, you are expected to put your best face forward and sort yourself out in private. Public displays of drunkenness, as long as it's not aggressive or violent is somewhat more accepted, but only if everyone else you are with is also drinking, and depending on where you are, but this only applies for men. Balinese women don't generally drink alcohol (or smoke) here, so being drunk in public if you are female is really not very well looked upon.
MALE & FEMALE INTERACTION - Gender roles are much more clearly defined here. Males and females don't generally tend to interact socially. Whether it be out on the street or at someone's wedding, the women all sit together and talk, the men all sit together and drink. Although I really should be with the women, I tend to hang out with the guys a lot more, cashing in on my 'bule' trump card at social gatherings. That having been said, I wouldn't be hanging and drinking with the guys unless my husband is also there. To do that would be insulting my husband and would make him lose face (god forbid!)
One of the most important things about Balinese culture you really need to understand is that 'good girls' don't go to bars and talk to strangers of the opposite sex. Whereas this would be totally normal social behaviour where I come from, it's simple not done here.
Generally, single Balinese girls who hang out at the bar are usually prostitutes and are only there for one reason. For all you guys that spot that cute Balinese girl that seems to take a shine to you and pours you beer all night, chances are you're not getting lucky, she will probably expect payment.
The Balinese guys who live in the tourist areas are used to meeting lots of foreign girls with a much more relaxed sense of social decorum, who are out to have a 'good time', which is socially unacceptable here for Balinese women.
So if you are female and just out at the bar and happen to meet an Indonesian guy and strike up a friendly, social conversation, it is then natural for the Balinese guy to be expecting something at the end of the night. Be careful about how you conduct yourself in public if you are a single female travelling alone. A night of what you thought was just a friendly conversation, could end in a very awkward clash of cultures if you are not very clear about your intentions. If you are female, do NOT invite a guy back to your hotel unless you are also looking for a 'good time', which by the way, is technically illegal - girls and guys who are unmarried are not allowed to stay in the same room anywhere in Indonesia. That coupled with the fact that there are, last time I checked, over 3000 documented cases of AIDS in Bali is all the more reason to be very careful. Not to mention all the other sexually transmitted diseases, which are much more prevalent in countries in which sexual education is not taught, the awareness isn't there, people being pretty much clueless in terms transmission of these diseases and the whole culture of not 'losing face' which has people more likely trying to hide their afflictions than getting treatment. Having a 'good time' in Bali may have you coming home with a different kind of souvenir you hadn't planned on. The 'vacation mentality' has people letting their guard down and often has them do things that are out of character. Nothing wrong with letting your hair down once in a while, but be safe! This applies to everything you do here, like renting a motorbike in Bali (did you know the #1 cause of death of foreigners in Bali is motorbike accidents?), but I'll save that for another blog.
DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A BUNCH - It's not just important to know how not to breach social etiquette, but it's also important to also know what is not considered impolite, which may be considered rude in your own culture, so you don't think someone is being rude or insulting you when they are not.
One of the things that took me a very long time to get used to, was people calling me fat. Kadek would introduce me to someone new and they'd either say to him: "Oh, gemuk sehat!" (fat & healthy!) and give him the thumbs up. Or they would occasionally look at me and say: "You fat, yes?" It was a while before I realized that 'fat' does not carry the negative connotations that I am used to it being associated with. Fat is used to describe a body type that's not skinny. It's not used as an insult, though it states the obvious that I really don't think is necessary, but the Balinese really seem to like to point it out regardless. It's also taken me a while to get over people calling out to me from their store: "come into my shop - we have big size for you!" If you are anything other than a size small, prepare yourself for someone to comment on your 'fatness'.
There will also be questions that people will ask you that may seem personal or would be considered rude in western countries, that are relatively normal here. What's your religion? How old are you? Why don't you have children? These are generally questions that you wouldn't ask someone you just met, but these are perfectly normal here. But sometimes if you are entertaining a conversation, people can get cheeky and start asking things like "How much money do you make?" Some questions are rude in any culture. If you find people's over curious fascination with you pushing the limits of your personal boundaries, you don't have to answer any question you don't feel comfortable answering, regardless of whether or not it's normal here. Just use your own instincts to decide.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS DOESN'T EXIST HERE - The subtle nuances of political correctness get lost in translation. The first time I met our friend who introduced his son, severely affected by cerebral palsy, said: "This is my son. He is idiot." It shocked me for a moment until I realized that that was the only word he knew in English. He loves his son, takes him everywhere and is proud of him. He is a great father and if he were fluent in English, "idiot" probably wouldn't have been the word he'd have used to explain his son's disability. I've also heard Balinese people refer to a black person as "a negro" with absolutely no insult intended. So relax and don't get too worked up over someone not using the politically correct term for something. It's a language issue, not an insult.
TAKING PHOTOS - Taking photos is usually no problem. Whether it be a temple celebration or a cremation procession, or just someone walking down the street, people are usually happy for you to take their photo. If you are taking a photo of a specific person, it's much more polite to ask for permission first - 99% of the time they will say 'yes'. There has only been one instance where I was told 'no' when I asked a woman selling fish at a market if I could take her photo. I was thinking that with all the surrounding colourful fruits and vegetables would make for great composition. She was probably thinking, I've been here since 4am, I am tired, I smell like fish, I need a shower and feel like crap. Now that I think about it, I wouldn't have wanted someone to take my photo if I'd have been her, either.
I hope this sheds some light on Balinese social etiquette. If you have any questions that have not been answered in this blog posting, feel free to comment here or join our Bali Retreat Planning group on Facebook and throw a question out to the forum and I will be glad to throw in my 2 cents, or 200 rupiah.
No comments:
Post a Comment